If I only had a brain.

So J just woke me up after I had been asleep for 2 hrs after working a 14 hr shift. And I am so delusional to think that one day he is going to call me and ask me how I am or how my day was or how I'm doing, or how lifes going. He woke me up to tell me that he didn't have time for me this weekend, that he's to behind, and it leaves me wondering what excuse he will come up with once school is out, and why I'm trying so hard to change things between us, why can't I just be a bitter ex girlfriend and let it go. Why must I insist of trying to build a friendship with someone who obviously has no interest in doing so, and is only going to do to me as his friend, what he did to me as his girlfriend. When did people stop learning how to love, when did respect become such an obsolete word. And are there really people in who care beyond themselves, who possess compassion like I've never seen, and where is this gift of selflessness that I hear so much about, and how does one come to possess it. To become one with everything around them, at peace, and completely protected from all the hate, angry, lying, and manipulating, that goes on in the world. Where has all the good gone?