monkey monkey monkey!

What is better than a little vibrating monkey, that wiggles and giggles, it's the best gift ever and if his name wasn't already George, I would name him James!

monkey monkey monkey!

What is better than a little vibrating monkey, that wiggles and giggles, it's the best gift ever and if his name wasn't already George, I would name him James!

LaLalalala

I think I have a sign that says "Crazy people talk to me please." It was another one of those days at work. But then I come home and get molested by a cat, and thats cool because he's a big fuzzy cat and I love him. Oh it's good to be loved. Now I must watch reruns and take over the world as I wait for my pot pie to finish burning. Life is good...

Nonesense

OK so I was sick all day yesterday, and I'm not sure why but I am totally blaming James for trying to poison me. I wrote a poem about spaghetti and getting stuck to the bottom of a shoe it came out a little cliche as though I had been listening to too much Jewel. I haven't posted it yet, but I'll work on it and then stick it on the other blog, since i know it's been awhile and all my imaginary fans are wondering when I will come up with something new. As for listening to too much Jewel well my ipod is broke and I can't turn the wheel so the only artist I can listen to is Jewel, ironic I suppose. I have resorted to listening to the radio. Classes start on tuesday and I'm excited. I hope I can meet some interesting people or my life is going to get very boring and very lonely very fast. Other than that. I'm working on being a good friend, and being accepting, and loving myself and as cheesey as that sounds. I think it's important not to downgrade yourself because you feel rejected or some how beneath another person for whatever reasons. It's important to recognize that your talents and beauty are just as important as everyone elses and that you should never sell yourself short. Now if only I could get myself to swallow all this bull shit I would be doing fabulous. But I don't think it realy matters anyways, and thats life. And all you can do is saddle up and move on. Well it's off to work. Peace.

And my senses kick back in.......

I just read my last post, and I'm going to go with I was just talking out of my ass. Because as I read it I remembered why I am single, why I have been single for most of my life, and what it is about relationships I completely despise. I see no sense in destroying my heart after finally getting it glued back together again..... And the pessimist in me is back.. yeah baby, life is good again!

Can't think of an interesting title

So I started to update this morning, but couldn't think of anything interesting to write down. But apparently sitting at Burger King has jogged my brain. I guess I'm just weird like that. So grandma is doing fine and she is in a nursing home until she is 100% better, but I have faith she will be home soon. It's very strange how in times of stress you find yourself searching for comfort or for a companion. I think it's the feeling completely hopeless or helpless and need the comfort of knowing there is someone else there to lean on. I have been single for longer than I can remember, and Im not counting the few occaisonal moments where a relationship has been touched upon. But for the last few days I have been feeling that companionship is not such a bad thing to want. And I don't want the white dress and wedding wring. the 2.5 children, I don't want a leash around my neck or a tattoo that says taken written across my forehead. But I want someone to who cares about me, and I want someone I can care about back. I want that feeling when you look at that person and think you are a complete jack ass but I love you anyways and they look at you and think you are one moody bitch but I think I'll keep you. Schools starting soon and the seasons will be changing again, and I just think that it's time for a change. Now I'm not saying I'm proactively stalking people on a hit list, but I'm opening my eyes and for once allowing the possiblity to be there. And maybe this is just me talking out of my ass but as my father so nicely reminded me the other day it has been 3 years since my husband went away, and I'm not getting any younger, and life is so much more fun when your sharing it with a friend or a lover, and sometimes the nights are easier when you have that person you can look at while you hanging upside down on the bed and say hey I think I need ice cream, and they look at you in your monkey pajamas or boxer and tank top and think I have truely attached myself to the weirdest person on the planet. I need fun, I need love, and I think I have earned them. So hears to hoping!

An emotional update

Do you know what it feels like when all you want to do is cry, but you can't and it feels like youre eyes are going to pop right out of youre head.
What it feels like to look at your grandma and have her tell you to go away, that you are plotting evil things behind her back. That you don't care about what she thinks or feels. To just want to be able to sit with her but sitting there only makes her angry and you know that you have to leave tomorrow and you don't know when you will see her again. And you can only hope that she makes until then. To just want to scream so loud because you are so angry and so hurt and in so much pain, and you don't know what to do or say and you just want someone to put there arms around you and tell you that everything will be ok. And the one person that will do that despite not knowing what to say to comfort you is a hundred plus miles away, and it's not realy his job to make you feel better anyways. To just want the entire situation to blow over like a bad dream. To be able to return home to your mediocre life and pretend none of this happened. To want to talk to your mom but have nothing to say because the situation is too much to bare. Thats about the story of my life and I just needed to get it out, and this hasn't realy done it justice but it has eased a little of the tension. Hopefully I will feel better later.

New Music and it's fabulous!

I was reading an article about this artist and then I went and checked out her myspace page, and I fell in love I absolutely love her music.

http://jaymaymusic.com/index.php

here are the lyrics to my favorite song so far....

Gray Or Blue

i feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around
and im strugglin w/ the xylophone to make these feelins sound
and im rememberin you singin and bringin you to life
it's rainin out the window and today it looks like night

you havent written to me in a week im wonderin why that is
are you too nervous to be lovers-- friendships ruined with just one kiss
i watched you very closely i saw you look away
your eyes are either gray or blue im never close enough to say

but your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face
i cant keep starin at your mouth without wonderin how it tastes
im with another boy (he's asleep, im wide awake )
and he tried to win my heart, but its taken . . . . . time

i know the shape of your hands because i watch em when you talk
and i know the shape of your body cause i watch it when you walk
and i want to know it all but im giving you the lead . . . . .. . .. .
so go on, go on and take it, dont fake it, shake it

(charmin//crazy eyes have u/r they gray or blue/i wont make the move/u must make the move/if u make the move/i will then approve/if u do not move/we will surely lose)

dont second guess your feelins you were right form the start
and i notice she's your lover, but shes nowhere near your heart
this city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
but i think its very dangerous if we do not take whats ours

and im winnin you with words because i have no other way
i want to look into your face without your eyes turnin away
last night i watched you sing because a person has to try
and i walked home in the rain because a person can not lie