An emotional update

Do you know what it feels like when all you want to do is cry, but you can't and it feels like youre eyes are going to pop right out of youre head.
What it feels like to look at your grandma and have her tell you to go away, that you are plotting evil things behind her back. That you don't care about what she thinks or feels. To just want to be able to sit with her but sitting there only makes her angry and you know that you have to leave tomorrow and you don't know when you will see her again. And you can only hope that she makes until then. To just want to scream so loud because you are so angry and so hurt and in so much pain, and you don't know what to do or say and you just want someone to put there arms around you and tell you that everything will be ok. And the one person that will do that despite not knowing what to say to comfort you is a hundred plus miles away, and it's not realy his job to make you feel better anyways. To just want the entire situation to blow over like a bad dream. To be able to return home to your mediocre life and pretend none of this happened. To want to talk to your mom but have nothing to say because the situation is too much to bare. Thats about the story of my life and I just needed to get it out, and this hasn't realy done it justice but it has eased a little of the tension. Hopefully I will feel better later.