How the creators of “Loving Vincent” brought the first fully painted animated film to life

Love watching his paintings come to life, although I'm not a huge fan and found the film to concentrate more on the mystery surrounding his death then what people find to be the genius behind his work.



How the creators of “Loving Vincent” brought the first fully painted animated film to life

Well then.....

I have felt so anxiety ridden lately.  Energy with no focus.  I have a hundred of things to do and don't know where to begin.  I need to find a way to re focus myself. I got a new job, a great job.  The best job I have ever had, soon I'll be on my own again, it has been so long since I truly had my own place with no one hovering or being judgmental over how I do things.  It's going to be interesting.  Need to get my car fixed.  A new car would be more ideal, but one thing at a time.  I've been setting my alarm for 5:30 every morning, I'm worried I wont adjust, being on time is my one huge huge downfall and I hate that I struggle with it.  A big part of it is my medication, I have to make sure I take it early enough, but not too early, and if I don't take it at all I wont go to sleep.   I'm also finally coming off some of these medications I have been on for so long, I'm so sick of taking so many pills all the time, I will feel healthier once my body completely readjusts.  Been binge watching Blackish.  It's hilarious.  Haven't played my video game in awhile, should try to work in a couple hrs here and there just to change things up a bit.  Need to go to sleep, just have a lot going through my mind right now.  I imagine the next few weeks will be like this, adjusting to a new life is always difficult.

I'm Sorry

You'll never read this,

But I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry I started smoking again
I'm sorry I didn't quit the hundreds of times I said that I would.
I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect mother, or even near perfect.
I'm sorry I'm anxiety ridden and that I often let it get the best of me.
I'm sorry for being human.
I'm sorry that we made it to a place where we couldn't even hold a conversation without fighting.
I'm sorry you learned to hate me.
I'm sorry you learned to live without me.
I'm sorry I was never good with money.
I'm sorry I stopped trusting you.
I'm sorry I let you not marrying me being the focus of my anger.
I'm sorry for being so angry a majority of the time, and I'm sorry I couldn't find my way back from that place.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to get pregnant.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to be everything you wanted in a partner.
I'm sorry you didn't like my family.
I'm sorry that I didn't pick a degree you would be more proud of.
I'm sorry I was such a joke to you.
I'm sorry we didn't see eye to eye on politics.
I'm sorry I fought back when I should have just given in.
I'm sorry I got hurt.
I'm sorry I was out of work for so long.
I'm sorry I am so angry and cannot find a way to get past it.
I'm sorry I can't find a way to forgive you.
I'm sorry our friendship ended this way.
I'm sorry you're no longer part of my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't feel the overwhelming love that I carried for you.
I'm sorry for all the times you had to watch me cry.
I'm sorry we will never sit at the kitchen table drinking beers and laughing at facebook memes.
I'm sorry we will never sit next to each other trying to win at trivia.
I'm sorry I lost my best friend.
I'm sorry you didn't turn out to be the person I thought you would be.
I'm just sorry for everything.
I'm sorry for every tear that drips from my eyes.
I'm sorry, I am so very sorry.

Adele - Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

Spontaneous

So I guess I've moved on to the spontaneous crying portion of my life.  Got in the car to go get fingerprinted, beautiful day, good jam on the radio and he just pops in my head and the tears start to fall and I start thinking of everything I did wrong, and everything I could have change, which would not have changed the outcome. 
I decided yesterday to let this go, that what was meant to be would be.  I have loved two other people in my life that I've had to let go, one of them went away and never came back which I am grateful for, because we were not meant to be and I knew that getting on that plane.  The second one has popped up from time to time, I've had my chance, I could have married him as recently as last year, but it is not meant to be, because in order for it to be I would have to climb down off my high horse and lower my standards for someone who would never love me, treat me, or be there for me in the way that I deserve.  So I'm letting go, and if that means I now spontaneously when least expecting, hopefully that means emotionally I'm pushing forward.

And then the perfect MEME pops up in your feed.

UGH!!!!!!!!!

I am so fucking angry.  My entire body is angry to the point it is making me sick.  I keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I am allowing the anger to consume me and that I need to let it go, but the moments of peace only last a short while and then I feel it building back up again.  I have to find a way to overcome this.  I am hurt, I am humiliated, and I feel like 7 years of my life was a complete lie.  I feel like I was played for an absolute fool by someone I love and care for deeply. 
I try to constantly remind myself of all the mean things he said, and all the hurtful things he did, and that he used me and treated me like a piece of recycled trash.  But the good memories keep slipping back in.  I don't want to remember being happy.  I don't want to remember feeling loved because those feelings were false.  They were never really real, he just used them as a way to get me to do what he needed. 
I want to be humble, I want to take the high road, but at this point I feel like high road is fucking closed and I just want someone to go to bat for me, someone to get in his face and defend me, but that's not adult behavior and it will only ease the pain for a little while and make me laugh, and he will never ever get it. He will never ever see what he did wrong, or how he hurt me. I mean nothing to him, and I deluded myself into believing that even it didn't work out we were still friends, but that was just a way for him to use me on another level.
I want to hurt him and I want to destroy his happiness, but that's not me. I don't intentionally hurt people just to hurt them, and to hurt him would be to hurt her and that is not fair to her, she is not the source of my anger, and in all honesty I feel sorry for her. I know that he will become the person he always is, and she will face the same decisions I did on whether or not she takes it or moves on.  I can only hope for her sake that he doesn't cause her as much hurt and pain as he has caused me.

I need this in my life.

Art Nouveau Leaf Lamp

It's Monday

Good Bye

I could  cling to every good memory of us, until my heart overflows with the pain of losing what was left of you.
Instead I'll cling to every painful thing you ever said to me.  I'll drown out every good memory with the sound of your voice belittling me,
I'll remember what a failure you seemed to think I was, and how useless my thoughts and feelings were to someone who never understood the depths of the human spirit.
Every time your smile flashes across my mind, I'll push it away with every fuck you you ever screamed at me.
Every time I wonder why not me, I'll answer that question with, because my dear you've been humiliated enough and it's time to move on to something better, something more beautiful, someone that understands who you are and can understand the beauty you see in the world around you.
I won't cling to every good memory we had, because the bad always outweighs the good and that is the constant reminder that builds enough strength in me to finally push you away.  So good riddance my love, and may you never cross paths with someone who looks at you with as much discontent you once looked at me with.

Lang Leav

Lang Leave

Degas Exhibit

https://twitter.com/nationalgallery/status/972128931401912320?s=21

I would love the opportunity to see this in person. Degas is what grounds me when my world starts spinning out of control.

Fierce

Soulmates

Scientists study ‘Girl with a Pearl Earring’ in hopes of finding how Vermeer painted his masterpiece

Vermeer is one of my all time favorite artists.  His realistic and rich approach to detailing the human form enthralls me.  I am definitely going to be anxiously awaiting the results and following along on the blog to see what happens next.  This piece is on my bucket lists of artwork I would love to see in person.



Scientists study ‘Girl with a Pearl Earring’ in hopes of finding how Vermeer painted his masterpiece

Kandi Coated Thoughts on Tumblr

I don't feel like moving all of my poetry back over to this blog, so you can find it on my tumbler. Along with other poetry I've collected

Kandi Coated Thoughts on Tumblr

Fatal Attraction

Fatal Attraction

I have to get to her, I thought to myself, my head tucked inside my coat in an attempt to block the cold.  I was freezing; my hands were clenched inside my pockets as I walked briskly down the sidewalk. She was all I could think about.

 I’ll never forget the first time I saw her.  It was instant fatal attraction. I knew I would do anything to make her mine.  She was the most beautiful I had ever seen.  Looking at her was like watching the sunshine for the very first time and in that instant, all I had to know what it would feel like to slip inside her.

This memory kept me warm as I walked further down the street growing colder. The wind was picking up.  As I passed the bakery I saw two kids through the window sitting in the corner on their jackets, playing rock, paper, scissors.  Their mothers sitting in the chairs above them.  Probably gossiping.  Women are always gossiping.  They think their so damn flawless, but deep down inside their just as dirty and tainted as men. 

Except her.

She is flawless in every way.  Must get to her quickly, I thought, checking my watch. It’s been an hour. Longer than I had planned on being gone. I must get to her before someone finds her and tries to take her from me.

 I picked up my pace.  Just two more blocks to go. Down a flight of steps and behind the abandoned restaurant.  I shouldn’t have left her there, but I didn’t have a choice.  I couldn’t leave her out in the open.  She might just disappear.  

I started to lose the feeling in my fingers, so I thought about how smooth she felt the first time I touched her. It was exhilarating.  The faint sent of cherries on every breath.  The way her hard tiny knobs felt between my thick fingers as I gently twisted them.  The more I twisted, the louder she came alive, screaming out to me.

My friends laughed when I first told them about her, They said she was in a class of her own.  That I didn’t stand a chance.  I would never be able to get her, just working maintenance for the city. But I was determined to make her mine.  I knew I had to show them, and I did. 

 If they could only see the power I have over her. 

The control.

Who’s laughing now? 

If only my friends had been nice to me. I would have let them have a turn.  She could have handled all of us.  But not now.  They aren’t worthy.  I don’t need them anyway.  I have her and that’s more than enough.

Damn I am so cold.  The fifteen minute walk back from the bank seemed to be taking forever.  I should have skipped my appt.  I hate bankers; they’re always looking down on me like I’m trash. They think if you don’t have a big fancy house with a job clearing seven figures then you’re worth nothing at all.  Just like my damn friends, always looking down on me.

I think that’s my attraction to her.  I have the power in our relationship.  She never questions me.  She just does what I ask.  When I ask. 

Standing on the corner, waiting for the light to change, if felt like my crotch was going numb. I started hitting the button.  Come on Whammies! Whammies, Whammies Stop!

If only that worked, Of course there are No Whammy’s when it comes to traffic lights.  Just the pleasure of waiting, standing in the cold, listening to the idiots next to me going on about the 1999 European PGA tour.  Who gives a fuck about golf, it’s below freezing in the middle of January, and we’re in America, for God’s sake. 

As the light turned I hurried across the street. Just a bit further. I’ve been gone an hour and fifteen minutes, way longer than I had intended.  Damn bankers always taking their sweet time. I don’t even see the point in wearing this damn watch, it always seems like someone else is controlling my time anyways.

She had better still be there, If something has happened to her I don’t know what to do.

 The urge to be in her grows stronger with every step.  I just want to feel the heat penetrating from her body as I slip inside.

Approaching the abandoned restaurant, my pants tighten up.  Just knowing she’s down the steps and around the corner is turning me on. 

Man, after the day I’ve had, I’m really going to give it to her hard tonight.  I just have to find a safe place to go.  That new strip of road out by the airport should work.  There are no streetlights.  Plus the noise from the planes coming off the runway will drown out her screams, and add to the adrenaline rush.

I round the corner and I see her, my cock is throbbing as I approach the spot where I left her.   I never thought a yellow 2000 Ford Mustang could cause a fatal attraction.  After all, I’d always been a Chevy guy.

She doesn’t have any tickets, although the sign clearly states one hour parking.  I climb inside, breathing the sweet smell of cherry air freshener. Her soft leather interior is still warm.  I turn the key and hear her moan as the engine started up, turning her radio knob gently, Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls begins.  The perfect song, for my perfect girl.

~KKirk

I Lied.

I want for nothing I said, but I lied.
I want to feel love, and hear laughter, and feel electricity at the hand of another.
I want for nothing I said, but I lied.
I want to be heard, understood.
I want for nothing I said, but I lied.

~Kandi

Plain White T's - The Giving Tree (Official Video)

The Ultimate story of The #enabler and The #ungrateful little shit.  #Nailedit #brokenheart #ivebeenused #fuckme

Great Expectations