Saturday, December 29, 2012

Who's Getting Married?

This Girl!


I cannot begin to tell you how ecstatic we are!  

Dec. 21, 2013.

Every relationship has it's ups and downs, but the more we push forward, the stronger we become.  We continue to grow as a couple and a family each and every day, and cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives, picking on and bitching about each other!


You can follow the excitement here, or on my Pinterest Page.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

I came across this today.

From one of my favorite Authors of all time!



Excerpt –

'This famous wicked little tale
Should never have been put on sale
It is a mystery to me
Why loving parents cannot see
That this is actually a book
About a brazen little crook...'
'...Now just imagine how you'd feel
If you had cooked a lovely meal,
Delicious porridge, steaming hot,
Fresh coffee in the coffee pot,
With maybe toast and marmalade,
The table beautifully laid,
One place for you and one for dad,
Another for your little lad.
Then dad cries, 'Golly–gosh! Gee whizz!
'Oh cripes! How hot this porridge is!
'Let's take a walk along the street
'Until it's cool enough to eat.'
He adds, 'An early morning stroll
'Is good for people on the whole.
'It makes your appetite improve
'It also helps your bowels move.'
No proper wife would dare to question
Such a sensible suggestion,
Above all not at breakfast–time
When men are seldom at their prime.
No sooner are you down the road
Than Goldilocks, that little toad
That nosey thieving little louse,
Comes sneaking in your empty house....'
'...(Here comes the next catastrophe.)
Most educated people choose
To rid themselves of socks and shoes
Before they clamber into bed.
But Goldie didn't give a shred.
Her filthy shoes were thick with grime,
And mud and mush and slush and slime.
Worse still, upon the heel of one
Was something that a dog had done.
I say once more, what would you think
If all this horrid dirt and stink
Was smeared upon your eiderdown
By this revolting little clown?
(The famous story has no clues
To show the girl removed her shoes.)
Oh, what a tale of crime on crime!
Let's check it for a second time.
Crime One, the prosecution's case:
She breaks and enters someone's place.
Crime Two, the prosecutor notes:
She steals a bowl of porridge oats.
Crime Three: She breaks a precious chair
Belonging to the Baby Bear.
Crime Four: She smears each spotless sheet
With filthy messes from her feet.
A judge would say without a blink,
'Ten years hard labour in the clink!'
But in the book, as you will see,
The little beast gets off scot–free,
While tiny children near and far
Shout 'Goody–good! Hooray! Hurrah!'
'Poor darling Goldilocks!' they say,
'Thank goodness that she got away!'
Myself, I think I'd rather send
Young Goldie to a sticky end.
'Oh daddy!' cried the Baby Bear,
'My porridge gone! It isn't fair!'
'Then go upstairs,' the Big Bear said,
'Your porridge is upon the bed.
'But as it's inside mademoiselle,
'You'll have to eat her up as well.' 
Roald Dahl


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Zulilly

I love this store.  They have the cutest stuff, and a lot of it is extremely reasonably priced.  I did almost all of my Christmas Shopping through them, and spent next to nothing.  I am super excited because I just scored a new Sewing Machine for Christmas, wich was from a referral credit.  Please check them out, use my referral link, you will not regret it!



                                   http://www.zulily.com/invite/kkirk322




Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Ugh

I think the worst thing about having Cycothymic disorder is 

1.  No one has ever heard of it.  So it appear to be imaginary.

2.  One minute things can be perfect, roses blooming sun shining, and the next thing you know it's like freaking wonderland, your world is upside down, and you have a cloud of dread hanging over your head and you have no idea why.

Now since the people around you, have no idea what is wrong with you, or how to deal with it.  You often come across crazy or weird, and it's hard to be around someone who is so up and down all the time.  It is frustrating, embarrassing, and I get so tired of having to deal with it on a regular basis.  Most people would just call in crazy, wouldn't keep down a job, and their life would be one reckless event after another. 


But I made this strange vow to myself to live a life as normal as possible, to get up everyday and go to work, take care of myself, not do drugs, not be self destructive.  Sometimes I just want to give in to the insanity.  But that is not who I want to be, I don't want this to always define me. 

I want this to pass, and I wish I could do it without medication, I wish my desk wasn't riddled with numerous prescription bottles to make me happy, help me sleep, stabilize my mood, break my anxiety.  I wish I could just eat a piece of chocolate and have a cup of coffee and be easily amused without all these pills.  It sucks.  It just really truly sucks.


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The boiling point

I am pretty certain I am losing my mind.  I never realized having children would be so annoying, and it may be that I'm the "Girlfriend"  or whatever.  But sometimes I think they are zombies.  They do things that are complete irrational.  They turn the simplest task into a complicated problem, and they are constantly losing, breaking, or ruining there clothes, toys, ect....     

And they don't get it, if you try to tell them what they've done wrong, they flip out and start crying.  I have made chore lists, award boards.  I have a shelf full of crap that I have tried to bribe them with to earn for good behavior remember to bring there stuff home, ect.  But they continue to go through the day like their heads aren't screwed on.  I don't get where I am going wrong.  But I am at the boiling point, I feel like my head may literally explode if one more thing goes haywire.

This morning it was they both lost their Jackets,  brand new Jackets, that I can't afford to replace, but I also can't allow two kids to walk around in 30 degree weather without jackets on.   I asked one of them to feed the animals, next thing I know every piece of cat food is on the floor in the kitchen, and he's scooping it up with his hands, I tell him to get the broom, he get's the broom and in the process knocks a bunch of stuff on the floor.  He then start sweeping like he's never used a broom before, and procedes to trip over it, and drop the broom hitting me with it in the process.

I don't think my blood pressure can take one more wet towel, dirty clothes, half eaten stuffed animal, puppy pea, cat puke, bad grade, ect.....  It feels like it just keeps piling on and piling on.

The worst thing is I'm not even married to their dad, and he keeps saying he doesn't want to get married yet.  He doesn't know when he wants to get married, but he loves me.  In the mean time it's been 3 years, of taking care of his kids, paying half the bills on a house that isn't mine.  Sewing halloween costumes, running at the last minute to save the day when someone has an accident at school, gets sick, forgets something.  It's never ending Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, birthday party's, new clothes because their legs have grown three inches in their sleep.  Scraping together every last bit of my paycheck to get us all by.  and I don't even get to have a kid of my own, because we can't afford another one.  The boyfriend is still in school, he wants to wait until he graduates, which becomes longer every year, because he wants to go one step further.  Which I appreciate, and I want to support, but I feel like everyone's needs are being met but my own, and I want to just walk out the door.  

The idea that at any minute I could just walk out, and end all this madness with no strings attached, looms over my head.  I used to not think about it.  It used to never be an idea in my head.  But now it's there calling to me everyday.   I'm at a loss, and I just don't know what to do anymore.


Sometimes Life is just difficult, and the choices and decisions we face are hard to swallow.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

To Kill a Mockingbird ~ Harper Lee

“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.
- Atticus Finch” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird



“They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions... but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird


“People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for.” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird

“When a child asks you something, answer him, for goodness sake. But don't make a production of it. Children are children, but they can spot an evasion faster than adults, and evasion simply muddles 'em.” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird

“You just hold your head high and keep those fists down. No matter what anybody says to you, don't you let 'em get your goat. Try fightin' with your head for a change.
-Atticus Finch ” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird

“Neighbors bring food with death and flowers with sickness and little things in between. Boo was our neighbor. He gave us two soap dolls, a broken watch and chain, a pair of good-luck pennies, and our lives. But neighbors give in return. We never put back into the tree what we took out of it: we had given him nothing, and it made me sad.” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird

“The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box. As you grow older, you'll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don't you forget it - whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash. ~Atticus Finch” 
― Harper LeeTo Kill a Mockingbird

Compliments of goodreads.com

Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Top 100 Banned/Challenged Books 2000-2009

This is a list of the top 100 Banned/Challenged Books 2000-20009.  This list is utterly ridiculous.  Since Sept. 30th starts the beginning of Banned Books Week.  I am going to be randomly be posting exerts from the books on this list.  I encourage everyone to pick a book, read it, give it to a friend and tell them to pay it forward.  Or leave it in the local coffee shop with a post it that says read me.  The ignorance in our society needs to be addressed.  The Freedom to read, The Freedom to think, and The Freedom to create need to be celebrated by everyone!.



I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.


The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.


But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.


The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings of freedom


The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.


But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing


The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.


~Maya Angelou





Monday, August 20, 2012

My cute puppy

Relaxing on the couch watching Dawson's Creek and playing with Mario. I feel 17 again. The kids were driving me nuts tonight. Dragging their butts with homework and not listening as usual. I don't feel like I have the nerves for children. I always pictured myself as the fun mom who did crazy things and everyone thought was cool. I am soo not cool. I'm loud and uptight and often annoy even myself. I'm trying to adapt to my new life but three years in and I still feel like ripping out my hair when the door opens and closes and opens and closes. I long for silence and bleach has become my new best friend. Clearly I am having issues.

"people are strange"-marilyn manson and the doors


I think Jim just OD'd again.  What an insult to a legend,  clearly Marilyn Manson has issues singing anything that may stray from him infamous chords to "The Beautiful People"   You can drink a gallon of Vodka and get up on stage with the doors and pretend to be Jim.  Only Jim can be that fucked up and still pull off a performance.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Dave Navarro Suspending



I cannot imagine how this feels. The intensity of the pain and what would have to be going through his mind to be so peaceful with what is happening to him. It looks extremely painful, and yet he looks like he is in a state of relaxation. Definitely not something I would choose to experience for myself, but I am glad he got what he needed out of the experience.

Zebras!


Zebra Pals by ~strangerswithkandi on deviantART

I love taking pictures of animals!  I always have.  I had such a blast with these Zebras.  Very cool animals.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Down Word Spiral

       Sitting here listening to music, trying to relax.  It never ceases to amaze me the amount of mental anguish, stress and physical pain can cause a person.  I really thought things were going well.  My blood pressure was steady, my stress was little to none.  My pain was manageable, and now everyday seems like a struggle.  I'm unhappy at work, I feel abused, I'm in pain, and the stress of the unknown is only adding to the struggle.  I realize this is a phase, and I am sure as much as I am down right now, that soon I will turn myself back around.  I just need to focus on being positive and making a path to my future.
      I have never been good at just letting things roll of my shoulders.  But I am starting to realize that these things that stress me out, that make me miserable, are not worth sacrificing my happiness, so i just need to let them go.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Blog Craziness

These blogs are getting out of hand.  But I feel attached to them because I have had them for so long.  I don't dare delete one of them.  I finally linked this one to my google+ profile and deleted the one from back in my poetry days, when I was angry and felt the need to be heard.  Still have the diet blog, although I don't think anyone is using it, and my dieting attempts are well pathetic.  Lose 20lbs gain 5 it's gets so old, and I stay fat and frustrated.  Anyways, will still try to occasionally plug away at these.  Although with facebook, google+, twitter, and both blog hosting sites, I start to feel all typed out.  For those of you who keep checking out my page, I appreciate it.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

And I thought I was my Boyfriends Favorite.

He never gives me this much attention and claims to hate the cat. I think I should be worried.


Saturday, April 07, 2012

Kim Kardashian Upgrading her Love Life.

I don't know why everyone is flipping out over Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.  She has said multiple times, the reason her and Kris and her and Reggie had problems was because she wanted to be in the lime light.  Being famous is her life, and that is the life she chose, and neither of them wanted to deal with that.  Obviously Kanye is more on board and more familiar with being in the spotlight, and face it, he is way hotter than Kris Humphries.
Everyone needs to quit hating on Kim.  She wanted to be a celebrity, and she made that happen.  She may have chosen a different path than other celebrities, but she still made it happen, and she is a successful business woman.  If you don't like her, don't watch her TV show, don't shop in her store, stop reading the tabloids, stay of TMZ,   it's not going to make her any less famous or make the millions of people who do love her change their minds about her.  I don't know Kim, I don't know her family, and I can only speculate on her love life from what I have read in the media.  But I'm a fan, The Kardashians are mind numbing entertainment, and their my sad indulgience just like the Osbornes were before them.


Thursday, April 05, 2012

The Voice

I have been watching The Voice. I realize that I am not a professional singer/musician or even involved in the music business but even my ears bleed when I hear bad. All of the judges praised this performance even Adam Levine who is the original singer of the song. But their compliments seemed shallow and held back. I don't see what Blake Shelton see's in this girl. Her voice seems unrefined in a bad way, the lyrics are jumbled, and even seem slightly off to the music in places, and all the jumping up and down would have seemed less awkward if she hadn't been wearing a poof y dress that flew up like it was going to swallow her whole. I guess we will see how America votes, and maybe she can still win my heart, but at this point I can say, not a big fan, not a big fan at all.


Da Tar Baby


I came across this story in a Disney Book I had a child, after an episode of Futurama prompted my brain to refer to Nibbler as a Tar Baby. And in my head I thought what a random and racist thing to say, but then I remembered this story and why the phrase Tar Baby would even be in the back of my head. So I dug out the book and re read the story, and it is horrible. Absolutely horrible and violent and racist, of course the story in the book is preceded by another story titled UNCLE REMUS about 2 white kids who live on a cotton farm and like to listen to the black Uncle Remus smoke his corn pipe and tell stories about Brier Rabbit. It is amazing that 30 years ago, these stories were acceptable and commonly published. I would say Disney has come a long way since then, but their only black princess in the last 30 years, was a Poor Cajun maid from New Orleans.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Whitney Houston Dead at Age 48

Whitney Houston was found dead in her bathtub. They believe she had passed out due to her prescription medication, possibly being mixed with alcohol. What a tragic ending. She was so talented and I know the people on the outside, though she could have done more, would have loved to have seen more from her.

Thursday, February 09, 2012

My First YouTube Video

I'm going to take the initiative

I have been terribly lacking in my blog updates, I am going to try and post things on a regular basis,I'm not sure what, but I am sure I can find some way to entertain people.

Kandi