My teacher is going to think I'm crazy

So I am working on my 3-4 page lit paper, which is actually going quite well only this morning on my way to get coffee I had the sudden urge to write about Hustler Magazine and it's influence on society, and so I did followed by a paragraph on the burning of Harry Potter Books, I think next I might go onto the bible although in the editing process I think these paragraphs are going to have to be moved around. But by any means I am sure my teacher is going to read it and think hmm. Welcome back Kandi I have read anything completely outrageous from you in awhile. But that has always been my style take what works and exploit it. I've often found living in the Midwest people are careful not to touch on certain topics as though thinking about them will make their brain explode, but not me I say brain explode it will rejuvenate itself..... eventually. Ok well I should probablly get back to work just taking a little break to reform my thoughts.

And it just keeps getting worse.

Friday was no better than Thursday and it has me terrible worried about what Saturday will hold. I'm stuck. I feel completely numb to everything around me. I feel that my brain has been on a complete hiatious and while everyone that cares about me keeps telling me how intelligent I am, and I say people that care, because those that don't seem to think I'm an idiot incapable of my own thoughts, anyways I feel like I have not actually used my brain in awhile. It seems like everything I cared about or should be caring about is slipping away and I would just assume watch it go then stop it. It's like standing back knowing you have complete control over a situation and refusing to do anything about it, not because of fear of the outcome or anything but simple because you don't care. I almost let someone walk out of my life today and I just kept thinking please just go because atleast it will save me the energy of having to care, and that is completely horrible. I didn't realy want the person to leave, but I knew at that moment that I would rather submit than fight. and I know that in a month I'll probablly feel fine and things will be great and my life will have moved forward but for right now I'm stuck in survival mode and it sucks for those around me looking for a little emotion.

The Day From Hell

Today was one of those days where everything seemed to be going wrong, and amazingly I kept in high spirits through it all. But it just seemed that everytime I turned around there was something else going wrong. I felt ready scream. I even had one of those moments where you feel relief and get really happy like life has just thrown you a nice surprise, only to find out it's just the world fucking with you again. I'm exhausted and I have no choice but to read death of a salesman which sucks but I'll do it. Hopefully this weekend will be less stressful. But for now it's off to bed again....

My Care Bears were molested!

I got to work today and this is what I found, it was a sad sad day in Care Bear Land!

I can't wait until next week.

I can't wait until next week when all of this bullshit is behind me with school. Unfortunately I still need to go and register for classes at USD and find a new apartment to live in, I love my apartment but I just can't afford to live here if I'm going to have to cut back my hours when school starts. Anyways I suppose I should get dressed for work. Woo Hoo!

Oh My Johnathan!

So My friend Johnathan decided to try his hand at carpentry and well I don't think it worked out quite like he planned, but I was laughing my ass off after reading his blog. I think it may be a mix between the story itself, and knowing Johnathan and although I don't question his capabilities Carpenter was not something I ever saw on his list of things I want to be when I grow up. Anyways check out the story and the pics if you would like a good laugh!

Nerve Wrecking

So today I had to go to court and it was the most horrifying experience ever. The judge had already signed off on my protection order when I asked him to dismiss it and I had to go through twenty minutes of yelling and the judge asking me if I knew what I was doing, and no answere I gave was good enough. The girl sitting behind litterally said she's an idiot when the judge asked me if I was sure. All I had to do was give him a number any number and it would have been over and I would have had my protection order, but I knew that dropping it was the right thing to do, and I guess that this just goes to show that even in situations where you are in the right. Doing the right thing can be the most difficult. I need a nap and I have so much homework to finish and I am so stressed out, I just need a hug!

Long Day

So it has been a long day, and my arm is killing me, I'm cold and I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating or cooking. I had a situation it was walking back into the past and I really thought I was going to go balistic but I didn't and I was reasonable and thought seriously what would you have done. I think to many times we go off on people and blame them for their mistakes when in reality we know that we would have made the same mistake in there situation. Besides I think sometimes people punish themselves enough, they don't need us adding to the mix. But anyways I am going to finish watching six feet under, and then I'm going to read my book under the covers in my bed because it's flipping cold outside and it's snowing or whatever the hell and it's going to be May next week.

OK James this one is for you!

Gallery Link

This actually a site with links to several different Artistic sites including, art, literature, and film. I hope you enjoy it!

I've Decided I'm Catholic

Link

So I decided that I'm Catholic, since other people can just up and change there religions and claim to be whatever they want to be, I have decided that I too will claim to be something. Now I'm not downing Katie Holmes, and she may very well have switched religions and be completely devoted to her new faith, but to honor her I have decided to replace her by deeming myself Catholic. So there we go.

Kick Ass Art

I was looking for a picture and came across this awesome art site. Check it out especially if you're into comic books and things of that nature.

http://joechiodo.com/

Flash!!!!!

I am so ready to scream, I don't know why Flash MX seems so hard, really it's designd so that a monkey could use it, I mean seriously there are probablly middle school kids out there who can work this program bettter than me, I have actually lowered myself to watching online tutorials to figure out exactly what the fuck I am doing. I have a plan I'm just having problems executing it so AJ when you get here tomorrow be prepared!

So if you've been to myspace you've already read that top part. Next I have to get ready to go to my get together, and I have nothing to wear I want to look hot, why when it's just going to be a bunch of women I have no idea I just feel like dressing up and my closet is loking very pathetic and I was wishing I was close to St. Cloud so I could raid Amy's closet, although she seems to think her closet is crap too. But I'm sure I would find something interesting in there, I always do, like the top and sweater I kidnapped and wore to Phantom of The Opera that would be perfect. Hmm Damnit. Too bad you can't e-mail outfits. Anyways I should probablly get back to work.

“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.”

Kathleen Mifsud quotes

Hmmmm...

OK So I wrote two poems this morning, and yes people I realize they are complete crap! So not the point. My brain needs exercise and I'm sure by the end of the day I'll be ready to strangle myself and will be able to come up with something fabulous, Anyways I've got the laundry in and the dishes are done. So now it's off to get coffee and go to the bank so I can start my homework Woo Hoo!

Thank God It is Saturday Morning.

Another long and exhausting week and I am so glad it is over. I have sooo much homework to do which I am going to do, I am going to be the Queen of multi tasking this weekend, and I have planned two study breaks one for each day and that is it outside that I must stay focused. I wish I had time to write I have a couple unfinished stories I would like to finish and I can't seem to write any poetry but of course I have been completely indifferent to everything happening in and around my life and I haven't been feeling depressed or psychotic so that pretty much takes care of all my creativity. Now if only I could learn to right about butterfly's and rainbows, or normal thinks minus the broken hearted, my life is ending drama then I would be on the right track. But for now I believe it is off to bed. Although as boring as my life may be, for about two seconds this evening I almost did something spontaneous but then decided to act rationally which is probablly best. The joys of getting older, which don't remind me will be happening to me again soon.

Funny Quotes!

So here are some funny quotes that made me laugh this morning. For those of you who may not know me, yes I have a strange obsesssion with quotes.


“Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.”

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”


“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.”

Sleep......

Yeah so the whole sleep thing did go over so well, I'm exhausted and I feel like I need to write yet my brain is too tired to produce actual thoughts, so that is some what of a problem. I only wish I felt the need to design websites. I think I am in the wrong profession. Actually I think it is more of a case of my split personalities having different interests hmm maybe one day they'll start working together and make me famous. I guess we will see. Well it is off to work, well of to the shower first, and then off to work. 2 days and then the weekend thank god. I wish someone would just sweep me away to disney land or some shit but I have homework to do so the fun will just have to wait.

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”

"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it"

~Adolf Hitler