UGH!!!!!!!!!

I am so fucking angry.  My entire body is angry to the point it is making me sick.  I keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I am allowing the anger to consume me and that I need to let it go, but the moments of peace only last a short while and then I feel it building back up again.  I have to find a way to overcome this.  I am hurt, I am humiliated, and I feel like 7 years of my life was a complete lie.  I feel like I was played for an absolute fool by someone I love and care for deeply. 
I try to constantly remind myself of all the mean things he said, and all the hurtful things he did, and that he used me and treated me like a piece of recycled trash.  But the good memories keep slipping back in.  I don't want to remember being happy.  I don't want to remember feeling loved because those feelings were false.  They were never really real, he just used them as a way to get me to do what he needed. 
I want to be humble, I want to take the high road, but at this point I feel like high road is fucking closed and I just want someone to go to bat for me, someone to get in his face and defend me, but that's not adult behavior and it will only ease the pain for a little while and make me laugh, and he will never ever get it. He will never ever see what he did wrong, or how he hurt me. I mean nothing to him, and I deluded myself into believing that even it didn't work out we were still friends, but that was just a way for him to use me on another level.
I want to hurt him and I want to destroy his happiness, but that's not me. I don't intentionally hurt people just to hurt them, and to hurt him would be to hurt her and that is not fair to her, she is not the source of my anger, and in all honesty I feel sorry for her. I know that he will become the person he always is, and she will face the same decisions I did on whether or not she takes it or moves on.  I can only hope for her sake that he doesn't cause her as much hurt and pain as he has caused me.