Just an update

So I made it home alive. and the feeling of dread hit me and then slowly began to wear off as the stress set in. Everything was good until today, and then I saw him and there was an incident, that I promised I wouldn't blog about, and although I don't regret the incident, I do wonder if this hasn't changed everything between us forever. I did realize today that things really were over between us, and no matter what I did or said, or how much I begged or pleaded, he was never going to come back to me. And although I don't think he lied to me about loving me, I don't think he ever loved me as a girlfriend. I think he loved having someone there so he wasn't alone. I told him I wanted him to be happy and he said he was happy. In the two years I have known him he has never said that he was happy. Not one single time, and lord knows I tried to make him happy. But I guess I just wasn't meant to be with him. And it will be a hard one to get over. But hopefully I will be able to move on one day. I hope that I'm able to find someone I can talk to and laugh with and am as comfortable with as I was him. Minus all the fighting and leaving of course. i think it really dug the nail in to know that his love for me wasn't the same as my love for him and that all my efforts to put a smile on his face were tireless, that it just took the right girl to turn him on. I guess thats life, and I will miss him and the three little people that go with him. But if we can maintain our friendship hopefully I will still be able to see them grow from a distance. But now it's off to bed, I've been up doing homework all night and I'm starting to think to much, and I don't want to cry and I don't want to feel anymore pain, so I'm just accepting that it's over, he's moved on, and if I continue to make poor choices then I deserve to go to bed feeling deserted.