Just Ranting My Frustrations.

God I hate this feeling of paranoia. I went into the place where the X works to get my groceries. I tried to avoid him because I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable or that I was stalking him. I stopped to talk to him as I was leaving. The only thing he asked me was how is cat was. Then I get home and he calls. I'm chatting away bringing up every topic I can think of and getting nothing from him. Then he gets off the phone cuz he roomate called. It just seems like he is already over this friend thing. Like he has realized he's done with me for good and just can't find a way of telling me. And I know he's busy and has a million things going on, so I don't want to be paranoid and pick a fight, I just wish if he was done with me completely he would tell me, so I don't feel like a complete ass by trying to keep in touch and involved. Last week was completely different, he called me every night, we bull shited for a few minutes before bed, this week nothing. I hadn't spoken to him since he was here friday night. He did text me earlier in the week to find out if I could fix his phone, but then he didn't bother showing up to go get it fixed. And we texted about some nonesense on Saturday. So I don't know what has changed, if he's not alone after work so he can't call, if he's busy or preoccupied or he's really done playing this game of lets pretend to be friends until I can decide I really don't want her. And it really sucks because I feel like I have put myself into him and our relationship and our friendship and it feels like he just keeps blocking me out the more time goes by. And if it really is going to be the end then end it, just let me cry. Let me get it out and get it over with. And we can cut all ties and go seperate ways. Don't lie to someone about the way you feel to keep them hanging on, especially if it's someone who a month ago he said he loved. He kept thinking I was going to cut off his phone and he'd be out 120.00 for two months of service, but never took into consideration all the money I spent on him between Valentines day and his birthday, or the fact that I'm responsible for paying for his phone through september wither he keeps it or not. And I just hope thats not the reason he's being friends with me. I just want things to be ok I hate this awkwardness, and I hate this feeling of paranoia and stupidity I keep feeling. Like I'm being played the fool, and it just seems like eventually I should start listening to my gut. Anyways I need to get started on my homework. I have two big assignments to do and thumbnails for a third to get done, so I need to stop worrying about him, my mom sent me a big box of Jelly Belly Beans as though she knows exactly what a girl needs!