I am so unhappy.

I am so unhappy. It's the end of March and it's snowing outside. Things are still on the outs with the guy, and it looks like there going to stay that way. He talked to me one day last week. He wanted something from me, I let my needs get the best of me and I gave in, knowing he wasn't going to talk to me again, and I was right. I tried cutting him out of my life, but then I prayed and I asked for a sign, and I got it within 24 hrs and maybe I looked at it wrong, or read the wrong way because things didn't change. It just made me feel stupid. I hate when I feel like people are lying to me. I hate feeling ignored. I hate feeling thrown away and unimportant. And he has done a fine job of making me feel all those things. I started to get into touch with someone of the people I cut out of my life because of him. I made plans to go out, and they fell through. So here I am spending another lonely night at home. I wish I could find happiness in something, anything. I wish I was excited about classes, or about where I am living. But I feel like I'm drowing in quicksand. Like I'm facing the end of another big mistake in my life. I hate this I want to think positive like it's all going to turn itself around. But waiting is the hardest part. And watching someone go on and live there life without you. Cutting up with friends and having a good time, when you have nothing is hard. And I repeatedly ask myself why I want to be with someone like that. Why do I want someone who will only throw me away again, and I can't come up with an answer. I used to believe that he was a good person. That he was honest with me, that his intentions were true. But I don't believe that anymore. I honestly feel that he has moved on and he is only trying to keep me on the hook in case his new plans go bad. And I am here again like a big idiot. And theres not even anything good to watch on tv. I had an activity of drawing and egg dying planned but who wants to dye eggs when it's snowing outside. So I guess I can just go on feeling sorry for myself.