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I am in so much pain right now, I feel numb, I feel broken, I feel defeated. I feel like I can't handle anymore. I'm lonely, I'm alone, I feel like I have no friends near me. I feel empty. I want to save myself from this awful pain. Why do I do this to myself, why do I let people do this to me. And why does everything have to be so chaotic. Why can't things be easy, and carefree. I want to go back to July 15th, 2005 and start all over again. I want to live up to my promises. I want to stand by my words. I want to be all those things I intended to be, strong and true, a fearless friend, a confident lover, a selfless human being. How do all those things become lost in chaos. How can so much pain come out of something that is suppose to be so beautiful. Why did we continue to hurt eachother for so long, and how can we ever fix what we spent so long shredding apart. Where do you start to heal, to forgive. to forget.