Just thoughts.

So I'm off to bed, today has been a long day, I am experiencing so many emotions at once. I feel betrayed, but I wasn't really dating the person that betrayed me. I chose to keep sleeping with him. He found someone else and in 3 weeks took what it took us 2 years to build up. I want all this negativity to go away, I want all this anger and sadness to go away. I don't want to have angry thoughts towards people, especially people I don't know. But on the other hand, I think it's a normal reaction what I'm feeling. We were together a long time. He lived with me for a very long time, and within a month he moved in with a group of people almost 10 years younger, I can only imagine wanting to be able to relate to all of them. And they are nice people, I'm not saying they aren't I'm just saying, he is highly influenced by those around him. I don't think us sleeping together over the last three weeks would have been so bad if he hadn't hid it from everyone. It seems like he was always hiding everything from everyone, and even now after the fact. When were just friends. I'm still suppose to be ok hiding from everyone we hang out but I'm not suppose to tell anyone, and he was a real friend yesterday and today, He was there when I really needed someone and I really appreciate it. I just don't know where there is a place for me in his life. and vice versa. We are only going to keep hurting eachother, and thats not how friends are. Friends don't hurt each other. Friends don't cry over each other. Friends are happy for one another, friends support each other, friends care about each other, and act like they care about eachother, they are honest with each other, and they work through there problems thats what friends are for. I just can't be here anymore. Everything around me hurts to much. I just can't deal anymore. I just want to let go of everything. I just want to forget it all. I can't continue to be so sad while everyone around me is laughing and carrying on, I don't have it in me. I want my own happiness, I want something to smile about, and I don't want all of this negativity floating around me any longer. So I'm letting it all go.