I am tired of feeling like crap.

I am so tired of feeling like crap. I am tired all the time. When I'm not tired and feeling completely depressed, I'm awake feeling doped up and completely non functioning. Have I been to the doctor, oh yeah, so many times I could scream. And what does he say. Your anti depressent levels are fine. We think you have a sleep disorder so you need to see a sleep specialist which I am scheduled to do next week. In the mean time They suggested I start taking my anxiety medicine on a regular basis. My anxiety medicine either makes me fall asleep or makes me feel stoned. Neither of which makes me feel like I am functioning properly at all. On one hand I know that I should be happy that this is not an emotional problem, that this is being caused by a lack of sleep. on the other hand the lack of sleep is making me cranky and making me feel like I cannot function. Not functioning makes me feel like I'm falling apart. When I feel like I'm falling apart I feel like I am not living my life to the fullest which frustrates me, because it makes the outside world not see me at my fullest potentional. And at this point I am doing everything I can to keep going. Taking things one step at a time. Crying when I need to cry sleeping when I need to sleep even though it apparently doesn't realy help. I'm going to go home this weekend to see my mom, which always cheers me up. I took a few days break from my boyfriend and told him how I was feeling about us, and we talked about it without fighting, and I felt that was a major stress so that was one thing I was able to relieve. I just hope that everything evens itself out. It is so nice outside and the sun is shining. Which makes me happy. I took the day off so I could catch up on my homework that I didn't get a chance to do last week because of the snow so hopefully tomorrow morning I will be feeling up to par. I'm going to try to keep writing more, because writing really helps me feel like I'm getting it out. Now everyone I know should call me and tell me a really funny joke or leave me insane messages on my blog and I will feel much better!