Why can't I get over this already.

I wish I had the ability to hate people. No I don't I don't like the feeling of hate, and I don't like saying mean things yet I always find myself doing it. But I think I finally figured out what is bothering me. I was standing in the shower and I finally started crying. Because maybe she is right maybe they are in love, maybe I'm the one he has been lying to. Maybe these last two years really did mean nothing to him. Maybe in the end the only reason he dated me was to prove to himself that I wasn't the one he wanted. It took a year before he told me that he loved me. Last year he lied to me about going on his meds, about trying to better himself, and yet hear he is a year later, and he leaves me for someone he is according to her in love with. After three weeks, he's in love with her, and she's everything he was looking for. She gave him everything I couldn't find in myself to give him, and as soon as she starts having sex with him I can't even promise he'll still come around, and what kind of person am I that I would have sex with someone who is in love with someone else. I love him and I love being with him, and he knows my body better than anybody, but if he doesn't love me, if he never did love me. Then what have I been doing to myself over these last two years. Why do I let myself get pulled into this? How can you look into someone and know that they are telling you the truth. How can you look at someone and want to trust them so badly but doubt swarms at the back of your mind. How can you sit and worry sick over someone all day, that all your focus turns to them, and all they show is complete annoyance by you. As though the thought of me disgusts him. I had this complete dillusion that we were happy. That things were going to be ok with us. That we were going to find a way to make this work, and in a matter of three weeks he's in love with someone else, and I wasn't even looking. I never thought I would need to replace him, I took for granted that he would always be there. Why? why can't I answere all these questions swarming in my head. And why after a month am I sitting in bed crying waiting for him to call me, when I know he's on the otherside of town with her, making out and laughing, and having a good time, tell her he loves her. I will never hear those words again, and if I ever do, I wont know if I can believe them. How can one person cause so much pain on another, and yet not feel any themselves. How can he be OK with the way things are. How does he not talk to me and think about all the good times we had, how can he only focus on what went wrong, and not want to fix it to get back to what was good. His e-mail said this is just a break. But it wasn't just a break, it was a break up, it was a nice way for him to move on and still keep me hanging on. When will I ever learn?