I guess I assumed it would have sank in.

So he called at 2:00am to see if I was OK. I guess it wasn't important enough to call me when someone would have over heard him. But you know what I am not OK. I lost my boyfriend and now I've lost my best friend. I really thought after everything he would have at least tried to make our friendship work. But again, she becomes more important. What other people think becomes more important than how he feels or what he wants. I have never been enough for him, I have never been good enough for him. I am so tired of crying, and so tired of fighting, and so tired of telling him repeatedly how I feel. He doesn't get it, he will never get it. I'm just a second hand person there for his entertainment, someone he has to try and balance things with. Someone he has to yet again hide from the world. He constantly thought my self esteem problem stemmed from somewhere deeper inside, but the truth is, it stemmed directly from every time he hid a phone call with me, or hid our relationship or friendship from everyone else. It came from every lie he ever told. This can't be fixed. Friendships don't require this much building. There is trust and respect there, the two things that lacked from our relationship, so why I thought they would be there now I have no idea, and all I want to do is pick up the phone and talk to him. But I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who truely cares about me. Who really is concerned with how I am doing, and not just what I can do for them.