When I think back on us

When I think back on us, I think about all the things I never told you. 7 years seems like a long time not to know the person you live with. But I feel like you never really knew who I was.  I never talked to you about who I had been, or growing up as a child.  I avoided any topic that would allow you to pass judgement on me.  You passed judgement so easily in my everyday life, I guess I didn't want you looking down on me and telling me how weird I was. Or stocking up ammunition to use against me in an argument.  I raised your children, I tried to teach them wrong from right, I spent so many nights curled up on the couch alone.  Some of the lonely nights of my life were spent with you ignoring me in the other room.  Never giving me a chance to grow as a person, or to become interested in the same things as you.  You just brushed me off as a lost cause.  The errand girl used to drive your kids to their appointments day after day. Picking them up from school, dropping them off at practice.  You'd get pissed when I'd get angry, never asking yourself why I was so angry.  Even now you don't ask yourself why I've cut myself off from you.  Why I feel so hurt and so broken by what you've done when in your eyes you were done with me two years ago, and I was still holding onto hope, sleeping with you like an idiot, thinking you'd change your mind and our family would magically mend itself.  When you were constantly searching for something, anything that would replace me, because you were done with me and I was useless to you.  You will never be able to look back on those 7 years and say you loved me, you could never answer questions about who I am, or why I am the way that I am. You will never understand the way my mind works or why I stayed, why I fought for us when I was the only one in the ring.  You said you loved me, but it doesn't feel like love, and what you've left me with doesn't feel like friendship, or any remote form of respect.  You finally found that perfection you were searching for and I just have to accept that I wasn't it, and hope that there is someone out there that will one day fall in love with every imperfect and quirky thing about me.  Someone that will see my worth and will wake up happy that I am still lying next to them, someone who is not constantly searching for someone to fill my spot.