I'm so over it

I am so over being Angry.  I wish this feeling of hatred and anger would pass.  I know my feelings are completely one sided and that he is living the life he always wanted, and gets to be happy.  It's that easy for him, he just gets to be happy and go on with his life, and I get to struggle to let it all go.  I'm the one that feels like they've lost something.  I've lost my future, my bestfriend, my family, the place I considered home, and I get to start all over alone.  I don't have anyone to tell about my new job or how things are finally turning around for me.  Soon I will have a new place to live and with that comes the feeling of coming home to an empty house.  Of course the dog will be there, but I'll eat dinner alone, and watch tv alone. There won't be any kids running around, no holidays to plan.  My happily ever after ended years ago, and I tried to drag it out and trick myself into thinking I could change his mind, but I was just someone to be used until he could find something better.  So that's what he gets, he gets his happiness served up on a silver platter.  He doesn't have to face these feelings of loss, he has a new best friend, he gets to keep our home, and our family, all he had to do was replace me, and he did that without thinking twice and reassured me that he didn't give a shit about me.  I'm never going to hear him say he's sorry, he'll never admit he chose her over me, or that I was ultimately just a rebound he needed to help raise two little kids.  I have to work through this on my own, and figure out a way to let it all go, to not let the past have so much power over me.  But I'm fucking angry, and I'm hurt, and I'm ashamed that I let him do this to me, and I'm ashamed that he has this much control over my feelings, it's embarrassing.   And I don't want to talk about it, I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, and I'm tired of my friends feeling sorry for me.  I just want to fast forward a year where everything is better and these feelings are finally gone, and I've finally moved on to a better place.  I deserve to be happy, and to be loved, and no it's not as easy for me to just replace people, I've never worked that way, and I can't just cut the past out of my life, and I can't just cut the kids off even though they are a painful reminder of what will never be.  It's completely unfair, and I want to send bad energy his way, but I'm not that person.  I don't want anyone to suffer, no matter what they've done or made me feel.  I just want it all to stop.