It was a hot Saturday afternoon, James dressed in his typical ripped up jeans, and red t-shirt, with black vans. He was out on the miniature golf course giving lessons.
It's all about the length of your club says James, you have to be able to swing it just right or your ball wont get where your aiming.
Stepping out onto the first hole, James notices a hottie in a tight white shirt, and short green skirt, that chick couldn't be more than 14. Just the way I like em' old enough to lie to her parents, but still stupid enough to sleep with me.
Dan says uhm yeah sure she's pretty hot. It takes Dan 7 tries to nail the ball in on the first hole, and of course James nails it in the first time, only adding to his already swelling ego.
They move onto the second hole and James being cocky, drives the putter as hard as he can sending the blue golf ball flying in the air, over the hole where it ricochets off the number 3 post, flies back and pops him right in the mouth, knocking his front tooth loose, he can taste the blood in his mouth. Jesus says Dan, you alright? I'm just fine says James just wanted to show you what can happen if you don't control your ball carefully. James notices the little hottie giggling from 2 holes away, she turns away as soon as he spots her. Dan steps up swings and nails it in on the first try. Huh says James, thats just beginners luck. Nobody gets a hole in one on this course.
With a bruised ego and a mouth full of blood, James moves Dan onto hole number three. He notices that the hotties family is holding her up and is hoping they can get through the next two holes quickly enough so they end up directly behind them. Dan swings first tripping up his putter on the ground. James just laughs, I told you it's all about the length of your putter, if it's to short you'll never get down there and if it's too long you'll spend all day tripping over it and never hit where your aiming. Finally three tries later Dan sinks it in, it takes James 2 tries and the hole is complete. This is pretty fun says Dan, do you do this a lot. I am a professional says James, the best this course has ever seen, I am unbeatable.
Moving up to hole number Four James fails to notice his shoe is untied and he trips knocking himself slightly unconscious on a rock the size of a remote control truck. Dan reaches down to grab his hand, my god you have to be careful that's the second injury you've sustained and we are only on hole number Four. I'm telling you Dan, says James, the golf course is a dangerous place, and only a real man can stand the challenges of a course like this.
James nails the ball in on the first try, getting a little better Dan nails it on try number two, and they move on.
Realizing the 14 year old is now just a hole a head of them, James tries to step up his game just a bit. This hole here he tells Dan, is like a mountain range, you want to climax it to the very top before bringing it down on the other side, you've got to do it slowly and gently and put just a little extra behind it, otherwise the ball will just keep coming back every time. James steps up swings perfectly as the ball slides in on a hole in one. Dan over swings missing the hole completely and ends up digging his ball out of the rock foundation two holes over. Boy! You’re going to kill someone with a swing like that says James, Dan tries 5 more times frustrated because he just can't get the ball into the hole. I'm over this hole says Dan, lets just move on. Sooth your temper Dan it's all about getting the ball in the hole, no one is perfect there first go around, practice makes perfect if you don't practice and you don't get any better then you'll never be anything but just plane screwed.
Moving on to hole six James is eyeing his little hottie as she bends over to pick up her pink ball. They are just one hole ahead of us, if we lay this one out on the first try we can stand right behind her without looking suspicious. With that said, Dan steps up swings and nails a hole in one. Nice job Dan, I always have a hard time on this one. James swings as the ball rolls up the hill and down missing the hole by less than an inch. One handed he takes the club and taps it in. Bending down to pick up the balls, James hears a rip. Wouldn't you know it there goes my jeans, yep says Dan, ain't nothing left on your behind but a bunch of squirrels playing on your boxer shorts. Damnit I did not need this today, Fucking July it's a hundred degrees outside, I'm sweating, toothless, and now I have no back to my pants. Well considering part of the front was already missing says Dan; I would say it's time for some new pants.
They move up to hole seven where the hottie and her family are finishing up their game. They seem to all be bickering about something, but with all the voices going at once its hard to hear what’s being said.
You want to play through? Excuse me says James, I said do you want to play through to the next hole? No that’s OK we'll just wait. The family goes back to arguing as James and Dan stand back and check out the daughter. As she bends over to pick up her pink ball again, James notices she's not wearing any panties under her shorts. Hey Dan check it out, now that’s what I would call a hole in one. Knock it off James she's not even legal. Thats right up there with sleeping with a cousin or something. Wait a second Dan, my cousin is pretty hot and well it doesn't matter, as long as the parents think it's OK, its fine by me.
The family moves onto the final hole, while James and Dan step up to Hole seven. The object of this hole here, is to hit the ball hard enough to get it through not only the first pipe but from the first pipe to the back hole without getting the ball wet by having it fly into the stream. This one seems to be more of a challenge and although Dan can get the ball through the first pipe, it just doesn't want to go in the back hole. It keeps rolling around the hole and bouncing out, but just wont sink in. You’re pushing to hard Dan, just loosen up and ease it in nice and slow. Perfect. James goes next nails it in three shots, and they take their place in line behind the hottie and her family.
As they are waiting on hole 8 to open up, James notices the hottie having trouble with her swing. At the same time he notices this, her father notices him staring at his little girls ass. James walks up and offers to help with her stance, as he goes to slide his hands down her smooth thighs, her back swing nails him right in the face at the same time her dad clubs him from behind.
Uncle Rick he's been making comments about Stephanie all day you shouldn't let your daughter walk around in such skimpy clothes.
Oh yeah Dan, well you shouldn't let people talk smack about your cousin like that. What are you going to do when you two get married, just let guys drool all over her all day?
What was I suppose to do, the guy was teaching me how to golf, practice makes perfect you know, and I'm worried about the size of my club I just don't think my game is going to be adequate enough for Stephanie.
As James starts moaning and coming through Stephanie kicks him in the mouth, knocking out two more teeth.
Jesus lord girl your gonna kill the man right here in plain sight, Help me move him of the course Dan.
Dan and Rick drag James's body over to the bridge, laying him face first in a foot and half of bright blue water.
Now come on Son let's play through, and for god sakes Stephanie next time you go out in public put some underwear on...............
11:00 pm Saturday night local news. A 27 year old man was found face down in a foot of water underneath a bridge on a miniature golf course, the apparent victim of an accident. It seems the man was playing golf when he tripped over his shoe lace slipped on the wet sidewalk, knocking out his front teeth and managing to land face first in the water under the bridge. The police on scene said that he had apparently tried to get up at some point but slammed his head into the bottom of the bridge knocking himself unconscious. Apparently at sometime during this tragic accident he managed to rip his pants and due to the color of the water when we found his cold stiff body, it was bluer than usual and the only thing completely noticeable was the squirrels playing on his boxer shorts. What a shame said the police officer, he was only on the 8th hole, he never even had the chance to play through.
~Kandi Kirk
~Kandi Kirk
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