Saturday, September 30, 2006

Venting so loud the walls are caving in.

So I stand here at another crossroad and I look back at my past and wonder if I am making the same mistake again. I spent 4 years with a guy who lied to me about everything down to what he ate for lunch. And I find myself in a situation where I don't know if an important male in my life is telling the truth or lying. Is what he says and does true or is every thing I see a work of fiction. I aks myself can I just be friends with this person? Do I allow my other friends to treat me this way? To disregard my feelings and my thoughts in the way that he does? Or am I at fault for subjecting myself to these situations. Have a walked back in to the same situation I was forced out of 3 years ago or am I just paranoid and reliving my poisoned past? Do I walk away and live with the question that maybe I was over analyzing everything? Or do I walk away trusting my gut instinct and be able to say I didn't let him play me the fool? Because thats what I feel like a big fucking fool. I turn around and people I don't even know are telling me about situations involving him and other girls that I was completely unaware of that he himself had assured me had never taken place. Am I back in Germany? Am I being tested? Is this the ultimate test, that I should trust my friend and what he says or do I run and keep myself from feeling all of this pain again, and how do I believe him? I mean truely believe him and everything he tells me, and how do I let go of the past and realize that we are just friends and that he doesn't owe me explanations for what he has done, and if I get to the point that I can let go of the past and everything in it, will he? Will he let go of my past? Because he hasn't, I am still punished for things that happened before I ever knew he existed. I'm just ranting, I'm angry and confused and I don't want advice or replies. I don't want people to tell me what an asshole he is just to make me feel better. These are just my thoughts as they are, and I have to sort through them and figure out how to move on to what is truely important in my life.

Friday, September 29, 2006


I love myspace, I woke up this morning and a very old friend had left me a message and then I had to jump up and down a bit. I just love being reconnected with the happy parts of my past.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I Love My Mom.

I honestly love the fact that I can call my mother in the middle of a football game and yell "What The Fuck Are They Doing?" and she responds with I don't know but they were kicking the shit out of them and now this. Followed by I wonder if your brother is the game today. I miss TN, I miss football, I miss wearing orange every weekend, and I miss season tickets even if I only got to use my ticket once. Thats ok because I got to use all of the basketball tickets including the NCAA Finals. Oh well. TN is still my team baby..

Starbucks take on my life.

So I truely love Starbucks, I feel that it is the equivilant to heroine seeping through my veins each morning. My recent addiction, Pumpkin Spice Latte. mmmm mm good. But besides the addicting flavor I realy enjoy their little spurts of Wisdom they have plastered on the back of the cup. Some times this wisdon is just plain stupid and sometimes like today it is just what I need to remind me what reality is all about. Plus this morning it just fit what I have been going through, not just lately but perpetually throughout my life. So here it is Starbucks tip #160 The Way I See It.

Sixty-nine percent of all problems in relationships are unsolvable. They are about differences in personality or needs. They never change. When you choose someone, you have inherited the problems you will have for the next 50 years. Unfortunately, we pick people who are not as perfect as we are, so relationships work if you have wound up with perpetual problems you can learn to live with.
~Dr. John Gottman

Friday, September 15, 2006

It's That Time Again!

The capitalonebowl Mascott challenge. and I expect full support for Mr. TN himself Smokey The Dog. So everyone remember to go vote everyday to show the world who the best blue tick hound realy is!

You've got to be kidding me.

OK my little cousin just e-mailed me a link to a website that is supporting his schools fundraiser so that you can go directly online and order items from the students. He's 6 years old. I remember trudging up and down the streets of New Orleans selling candy bars for a $1.00 door to door. Or selling oranges when I lived in TN. That shit was hard work, where was the internet when we needed people...

Rocky Top Baby!

The University of TN offers a Master of Fine Art in Graphic Design. As well as the BFA and all that other bull shit. My dreams of being a volunteer may not be dead after all!

Friday, September 01, 2006

So I survived the first three days of school and honestly it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I am sure towards the end I will be burned out from being on campus everyday of the week but I will just have to adjust. I did receive a beautiful wedding invitation in the mail yesterday and I am so stoked. Plus I get to be fitted for my dress on sunday, I'm bringing duct tape just in case. Poseidon is sitting on my arms at the moment try to love me up which is totally cool because he is the best furry little person I know. Anyways I must get ready and run to class. Oh yeah and I went and applied to work on The Volante I have to turn in some copies of work that I've done and then we will see. But that should be totally exciting!


I bought this for my face, and its delicious! LoL It also works great on my face and neck. No pain beautiful skin.